


It keeps me awake

by hazelandglasz



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Ghost Stiles Stilinski, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Wolf Derek Hale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:31:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Stiles died and the only way Derek can see him is when he is in his full wolf form, but he also can’t talk to him this way</p>
            </blockquote>





	It keeps me awake

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by this phenomenal [drawing](http://ninakask.tumblr.com/post/40103943525) and decided to write it, even though it hurts like a bitch
> 
> Title from Ella Henderson's song "Ghost"
> 
> _I keep going to the river to pray_
> 
> _'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain_
> 
> _And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away_
> 
> _But your ghost, the ghost of you_
> 
> _It keeps me awake_

Derek spends most of his time in his "furry" form, these days.

At first, the pack assumed that he needed the isolation it provides to grieve properly.

God knows they all have their own grieving technique, and no one would blame Derek for turning into a full wolf to run in the Preserve, to forget the empty spot in their circle.

If they only knew ...

On second thought, Derek is glad that they don't know--though he has a sneaking suspicion that Lydia is onto him.

It's better if they don't know that he doesn't run away from his grief but that he runs towards him.

That when he shifts, suddenly Stiles is there, smiling at him even though his body doesn't stop the rays of light.

That in limbo, Stiles chooses to stay behind for them, to watch over them all because that's what he does and he doesn't know how to move forward without making sure that they're over him "checking out early", or so he says.

Because even dead, Stiles is just as chatty as he was alive.

And Derek knows that maybe it's not healthy for him to stay in his wolf-body for too long, that it's not good for him to keep this illusion that Stiles is still around, that it could drive him insane.

But that's the thing, and even though he can't speak, he tries to explain to Stiles just that.

He's already going insane.

With all the loss Derek has gone through already, Stiles' premature death--not even a Supernatural one, who would have bet on that--seems to have been the final drop that tipped him over.

And being human and walking in a world where Stiles isn't flailing and smiling and being too smart for his own good? Derek doesn't want to live in such a world.

Such a world is tasteless and dull, whereas the world where Stiles keeps moving around (even if it's through walls) is bright and the only thing that makes sense.

So Derek forgets what it's like to stand on two feet, what it feels to wear clothes, to use his hands, to speak, and he settles in the forest, where he can tentatively wrap his warmer, furry body around Stiles and feel his ectoplasmic hand touch him.

Stiles protests, at first, telling him that he has to keep on going, that he has to live, if only to honor his memory, but a low whine from Derek had shut him up pretty quickly.

A part of Derek's mind supplies an image of living and breathing Stiles shutting up because of a very human whining, and Stiles watches fondly as Derek, in all his wolfy glory, rolls on the forest's floor, body shaking with lupine laughter.

"You're ridiculous," he comments, and his words feel like a caress on Derek's muzzle. "A puppy, through and through."

Derek stops laughing and looks at him, his tail wagging in the light layer of snow that is starting to cover the forest, muting everything else.

Stiles sighs and comes closer to him. "I miss you too, buddy."


End file.
